So THIS is what life is supposed to be like!

It has been such a huge relief to be rid of all the drama and stress!! J and I are getting along much better, we have actually had many, many friends drop by (both expected and unexpected!) We are attempting to plan out a very socially packed holiday weekend going here and there. We are making long range plans, J has actually finished a HUGE project I have been dreaming about for years but thought it might just be another wish list thing...

To know that, of course there will be crisis' and drama-that is life. But to not have to deal with it EVERY DAY in EVERY Direction? Perfection.

I am starting to let my guard down a bit, don't feel as defensive on so many levels. It has been down right cathartic. Trying not to dread the holidays, since that is when K and J Jr are scheduled for a weeks visit. Just trying to savor what I have on my plate right now and roll with it.

All's Quiet..

..and it is a beautiful thing.

STOP THE INSANITY!!

Now, presently that statement could apply to a number of situations going on at this very moment. However, since this is about the general craziness with J's kids and ex, I will focus on this form of insanity today. (lucky you!)

K. 15 year old girl. Invited me, for whatever reason to be a friend on her Facebook page. Fine. Strange, but, well, at least it is a way to keep a pinky finger on the pulse of her life and watch from somewhat of a distance. Several weeks ago, she deleted me from her list, with no explanation. Knowing nothing had transpired at all between us, either physically, vocally, or online, I figured maybe it was an accident or something. Send the friend request, she accepted.

Now we come to today. I checked Facebook last night, able to browse thru the photos she posted of her new place in Florida (really quite nice, really out of their league..taking bets as to how long it will take for them to trash it) . Then? this morning? POOF. She was gone again. I am not going to send another friend request or anything like that, I give up. What is so strange is that she is still friends with her father, aunts, uncles..everyone but me. Oh well.

Who needs a friend like that anyway? I'll take the rabid coyote in the backyard instead.

The not so long goodbye..

We all knew it was coming. Obviously, the kids were going to Florida. No big surprise. However, we were conveniently left out of the loop as to WHEN the *ahem* blessed event was going to happen. Well, we found out last night. J Jr, K, and their grandparents showed up (unannounced, of course) and J Jr came in like he was on fire saying he needed to grab a few things.

J followed him around, but J Jr really wasn't having anything to do with him. J finally asked "So, what's the deal?" and J Jr replied, "We are leaving tomorrow morning, BYE." And he ran off into his grandparents car.

That was it. K didn't speak to J or roll down the window, nothing. They just drove off.

After last weeks drama, I thought maybe something a little more dramatic, but I guess I was wrong about that, too. No nothing. And why bother having K come? Just to drive the rusty nail into J's heart a little more? To have her there, but not speak or engage with him at all? And J Jr in a frenzy for no reason?

Thus begins their life, just as their mother does, of running away, not confronting, not speaking about it.

Granted, J has not done everything right in this entire scenario. But he has done absolutely nothing to deserve this treatment he is getting. I hope someday the kids will get that, and just how painful and hurtful they are to him at this particular point in life.

After this happened, J was quite literally, short of breath. Leave it to O to make him smile again. They began horseplaying in the bedroom, and O gave him a spontaeneous hug and an "I love you, Daddy". His response? "At least you love me".

As much as I want to party and hoot and holler and live it up, I can't. J is truly heartbroken. He looks forlorn, lost, and utterly confused.

No one deserves that.

Not exactly what I had in mind for saying goodbye..

It all started innocently enough. J Jr. called J to see if he could swing by to pick up his cell phone charger he forgot. Little did we know that that was merely a ruse to commence an all out ambush assault on J.

P was driving her mother's car, and inside were J Jr, K , and K's new boyfriend. Introduction was "J, this is my boyfriend, M-can I talk to you outside for a minute?" So, off they went to the back yard. J Jr went running upstairs to get whatever he wanted, and M (the boyfriend) tried unsuccessfully to look busy. Since I was never introduced to him (even tho I was 3 feet away when the awkward introduction occurred). After a few minutes, everyone was once again congregated in the livingroom. J Jr. started in with the verbal assualt immediately saying that J threw away all his Transformers, and that was his "childhood" that he threw away, and he deserves COMPENSATION for the PAIN AND SUFFERING we caused him~ And, he AIN'T leaving until J writes him a check! K started in with wanting compensation because we tossed her beloved Barbies and they were "COLLECTIBLES" (along with the Disney VHS' we got rid of, that we had no idea how important they were..we only learned how important they were since they were worth $$-NOT!!) Anyway, they all were standing on the front deck, screaming and berating J for ruining their childhood because of these things! UM.. the fact that your FUCKING cunt of a mother left and abandoned you has NOTHING to do with this?? I guess not.

The very idea of them screaming at J saying "You owe me!" "Give me the computer if you aren't going to write a check" "Give me the Sega/Playstation if you AIN'T going to write a check" is dispicable in the least. GOOD FUCKING JOB, P! You have raised and brainwashed kids to be nearly as greedy, sneaky, low down, and hypocritical, JUST LIKE YOU!

J Jr then made a physical threat against J. J escorted him by controlled force (hand on shoulder, pushing him back to the car)and told him to get off his property, as he is irrational and there will be no more talking of this. And the whole time? P is standing at the car, with a smug ass grin on her fucking bridge troll face, beaming with pride at her "babies".

J is understandably distraught at the whole situation, and how exactly it got this bad. It is time for them to go, and it has been so hard for J to reconcile all of this. They need to expereince the full brunt of their mothers irresponsiblity and recklessness, and complete ineptitude for themselves. Maybe with proper help, in a few years they may see things differently. Maybe not.

Only time will tell.

And then there was light..

Today J & P finally agreed to terms in which she can move the kids down to Florida as soon as the school year is over. That is a matter of days.

Inside, I am rejoicing, wanting to have a huge party and just want to bust out the paint and redo J Jr's room. But, also inside, my heart is breaking for J. Father's day is next weekend.This will be the 1st year ever he isn't with them. I know he is struggling to reconcile this within himself, telling himself he needed to step aside and hope that in the future things can be different. But, he is still their father and I honestly don't know if some of the damage can be fixed. It is so deep, and cuts thru the very soul. I know he is viewing this as yet ANOTHER loss in such a short time. It is hard to convince him it isn't.

And I'm not so sure it isn't the biggest loss yet.

Knock Knock! Whose there? Immaturity!~

OK- I know I am the adult, they are the children. However, K recently invited me to join a rather popular social website. Fine. Figured what harm, right? So, all is well. There is minimal communication..just playing games, sending her flowers, whatever. No biggie. Then, suddenly this weekend, she disappears from my friends list. So, I email people who are on both of our friends list to ask if she disappeared from theirs. Nope. So, I go into their friends list, and click on her profile, hoping to send a message. Maybe a technical glitch? Who knows. I was informed that she is still on their lists. So, I click on her, and of course, you have to be considered her "friend" to view her profile. So, I send a friend request to K, asking to please elaborate on what I have done/said/thought/did/didn't do to upset her this time.

I know I am just typing to dead air, as she won't reply. The most recent interaction we had was when she showed up in what I would deem by far the most inappropriate outfit I have seen anyone in (unless you work in a red light district, in France, in the 1800's). And found out she went to a school function dressed like that. ALL I SAID WAS "That is quite a get-up!" and I SMILED as I said it. That would be it.

Anyway, just bothering me that no matter what I do or don't do, I just can't get it right and it is always my fault. I AM DONE. Can I legally divorce my step children??

UPDATE:UPDATE:UPDATE:::: J let me know that P stopped by his work today, and said that K told her that I said "she was a bad daughter" thus, my deletion. J actually stood up for me and told her he has been present at EVERY SINGLE conversation I have had with her and never said anything remotely like that and that K IS LYING.

It may not be alot of justice, but at least it is something.

So much for a peaceful Sunday..

Today, we really don't have much to do except J&O need haircuts, and go to the Dump. J Jr puts up a huge fight because a. he doesn't need a haircut, and B. he hates going to the dump (mind you, he never actually gets out of the truck to help J unload things, he just sits his ass in the back seat playing his friggin' hand held video game. It was a fine a.m. until it was brought up he IS going because he isn't (or as he insists on saying AIN'T) staying at this house alone.

Can't he just leave already?